dumb hipsters

TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE PARQUET COURTS SHOW LAST NIGHT

10.  I work as a barista so I take my beer pretty seriously... Actually, I'll just have a PBR, actually.

 

9.   I'm pretty big on hiking in the woods in the dark.  I can't see shit, but I do it anyways, you know.  Yeah, there's roots and rocks and shit, but again, I do it anyways. 

 

8. We're cool guys, right?  I mean, we like rap, we like hip hop, we're down with it all.  (Said in a completely serious manner by two extremely white guys, roughly 21 years old.  Then they ordered two miller lites.)

 

7. This beer actually has weed in it.  Taste it, you can taste the buds.  (Again, said in a completely serious manner.  And no, the beer does not have weed in it you knucklehead.  It's the hops you're tasting.)

 

6. I wasn't certain because it wasn't spoken but then I slept with his best friend and like everyone in Durham found out and it was like, kinda messy.  So yeah there's that.

 

5.  Dude, my group of friends are like, so gay.  You're gonna fit right in, man.

 

4.  You wouldn't know it but I'm a hard cider aficionado, actually.

 

3. What happened to Josh?  He fell off a bridge or some shit like that.  Yeah, I've known people to fall off escalators all the time and shit like that.

 

2.  He said he would pull out and hope for the best so I was like ok let's go do it then.

 

1.  Goddamnit I need a doughnut so bad I would sell my left testicle to a squirrel if it would bring me a doughnut.